I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
