I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
