Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
