i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
