i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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