i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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