Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
