my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
nutella sex= disaster
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
