Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
