This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
