you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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