just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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