I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
