i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
