Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
