Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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