you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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