Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
