We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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