Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
where am i from again
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
