I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
