Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
