I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
