Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
