Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
