There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
