I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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