Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
