Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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