I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
