So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
