We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
