how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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