P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
