why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Fuck appropriateness.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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