Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
