I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
