i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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