I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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