nut hugger
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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