Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
