Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
