Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
