My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
