We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
