Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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