so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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