is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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