apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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