You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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