just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
