Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
